Four years ago, I went to Kenya searching for connection, identity, and a sense of belonging. I didn’t know exactly what I would find, but the answer came before I even left the airport in Mombasa.
A customs officer looked at my passport, smiled at my name, and asked, “Are you Tanzanian?” I replied, “No, I am Jamaican.”
We chatted for a moment, and she stamped me through. But as I walked away, halfway across the room, she shouted my name: “Mr. Julius Nyerere!”
I froze. I immediately thought something was wrong. I turned back, worried. She looked at me, smiled warmly, and simply said, “Welcome home.”
In that split second, something inside me shifted. It wasn’t just a greeting; it was an affirmation. It did feel like home.
Since that day, I have returned to Kenya every year. I am currently working to make it my forever home. But there is a shadow side to this journey that we rarely discuss. After every trip, when I return to the West, I slide into a depression that lasts for several months.
For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me. I would try to explain it to friends and family, but they didn’t truly understand. How could a “vacation” leave me feeling so heavy? I felt isolated, trapped between two worlds, and questioning my own stability.
It wasn’t until I found other descendants of the Diaspora who had made similar journeys that I realized the truth: I was not crazy, and I was not alone.
Understanding Post-Visit Depression
What I was experiencing, and what so many of us experience, is a very real phenomenon known as Post-Visit Depression. It is complex, deeply emotional, and stems from several key realities:
1. The Crash of ReintegrationReturning to the West after feeling the spiritual alignment of Africa is jarring. In Kenya, I feel a sense of possibilities and “home.” Returning to the rigid structures of the West can feel like shrinking yourself back into a box that no longer fits. It is difficult to communicate this transformative experience to people who haven’t lived it, leading to a profound sense of isolation.
2. Confronting the “What Could Have Been”Visiting the continent brings the history of the Transatlantic Slave Trade out of the history books and into reality. Standing on the land of our ancestors highlights the generational time and culture we lost. The joy of connection is often mixed with the grief of separation.
3. The Expectation vs. The RealityWe go seeking immediate belonging, and while moments like my experience at the airport are powerful, navigating the cultural nuances between being “Jamaican” or “Western” and “African” is a psychological workout. It takes a toll.
You Are Not Alone
If you have returned from the continent feeling disoriented, sad, or disconnected from your life in the West, know this: It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that the connection you made was real.
Healing requires us to acknowledge that the journey back to Africa is not just physical—it is emotional and spiritual. It is okay to grieve the distance. It is okay to struggle with the return. And most importantly, it is okay to lean on this community for understanding.
We are finding our way back, one trip, one realization, and one “Welcome Home” at a time.